It has been over week now, maybe longer, that I have gone with out running water. I should be depressed about the whole thing, but I’m not. I don’t feel good about it but don’t feel bad about it either. More of an indifference thing going on. More then likely the result of the mood stabilizer at work, or ‘Happy pills’ as I call em now and again.
It’s not just that , there are other things that I feel the same way about, but oh well. It does get to me later on in the evening, once the med starts to loosen it’s grip on me. It take a bit more to get me into a pissed off mood, but if I get there now every one seems to know about it, guess I can be a real asshole at times. Oh well, what ya going to do… take another pill lol.
Brain still races on a lot of subjects at the same time as always. Lately it’s been grinding away on this 2012 thing they are talking about on TV. Most of the time I can change the channel so to speak on that subject, but when I can’t I am in near panic mode. And things start flashing through my head of what I need and I may have to do to survive. Does not make a lot of sense, but that is the way it is. I don’t know if it comes and goes if I will feel cheated out of something or forget I was in a panic about it for 2 years.
Haven’t called a crisis line for that subject yet, but I know the day is coming. And will probably end up in ‘Mini-HaHa’ for a week or so. Then I will be in a panic for two reasons, 1) I am confined and 2) I will be trapped if it happens. God, even as I write this post I sound like a raving idiot.
Other then that I continue to ‘try’ to do programming and the like, I just wish i could stay on subject long enough to not completely screw up the application or utility I am working on. I have scrapped one project 3 times today alone, which is about normal I guess lately. Not that the code doesn’t work or any thing like that, but it’s Microsoftish, i.e. works but buggy. Perfectionism is a hell of a thing to have on top of all the rest, and it seems the list is growing. Not that I need everything perfect, must the code and the how it works. There are other things too, but not so bad.
I’ve taken up cross country skiing in the last couple of weeks, cause I missed the summer walks. Figure if I try to walk and slip I might as well be on something that is made to do exactly that. Getting pretty good if I say so my self. Haven’t fallen in days now lol, oh the fun and pain of it all. Double up on the pain meds when I twist wrong and I am fine. And too one of my past docs told me if I don’t keep walking I will end up in a wheel chair, hence I walk or ski, regardless of the pain.
It' gets really frustrating not being able to keep on track of something at times, but comes in handy at other times. Thank god I don’t have a ‘time frame’ cause I would never make it done in time and there by be in a panic over that.
Oh fun is plentiful.
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